|So what if she's my sister! She's still a weirdo.|
*When the proverbial poo hits the fan, you can't run fast enough to get out of the splatter zone. Trust me, I've tried.
*When you plan on taking your own snacks to the movie theater, don't let the kids carry them in. Birdie went out of her way to show every employee she encountered that her "mom made these cookies! They're my snack for the movie!" She even told the ticket taker "I think she brought Capri Suns too! She carries her special movie purse so that she can fit everything in it." Now I know it is still possible to embarrass me. Thanks for that, Birdie.
*My capacity for hearing the words "She doesn't want to play with me anymore!" has almost reached it's limit. Every day, without fail, both of my children will separately make this same claim. They may even be so dramatic as to imply that they NEVER play together anymore, and yet for at least three-quarters of each day, they are inseparable. The math just doesn't work out. I think they are trying to make me crazy!
*Sleep is totally overrated. I only say this because I'm pissed I don't get any sleep, and I still manage to stumble through my day in a somewhat productive manner. This sentiment would change if I knew what it was like to sleep.
*There is a special place in hell for my UPS delivery person. Once again, I narrowly missed destroying 2 different packages this week. Who the hell thinks it's a good idea to deliver packages to a garage door, anyway?
*Twizzlers are a food group-- and since they're fat-free, they can't possibly be the reason my pants are getting tighter. The pants are my dryer's fault. True story. Okay, not really.
Until next time...