Paramore, Twilight, and Endearing Sarcasm

Birdie began reading Twilight this weekend.  *collective gasp*  Yeah, I know-- what was I thinking?!

*image courtesy of the coolest-vampire-art-gallery.com

Glad you asked.

What I was thinking was, my eight year-old daughter is going to get half-way through the second chapter of this Twilight book and realize it is a sappy, teenage romance novel.  (Which I totally dug, by the way.  Like, super nutso, I-have-to-get-my-hands-on-the-next-book-as-soon-as-I-finish-this-one dug it.  Not exactly a Twi-mom, but close.  Too close.)  Upon that realization, I was sure-- completely sure, as a matter of fact-- the book would be once again safely tucked away in the box from whence it came.

Weeellllll... yeah, no such luck, folks.  Birdie is completely hooked.  Hooked and racing around the elementary school, making recommendations to every grown-up and older student that she can find.  And as for her own classmates, instead of recommending it to them, she is telling them that "parental guidance is suggested for the content of this novel, which means you should ask your mom if you can read it first."  Go ahead and roll your eyes.  I did.  It seems I have created another raging Twi-hard.

How did Birdie even become interested in Twilight, you ask?  It all started with her love of a song.  A song called "Monster" by the band Paramore, to be exact.  Birdie heard this song on a cartoon video she saw, looked up the lyrics, and memorized the whole thing!  I mentioned to her that I had a couple more Paramore songs on the Twilight soundtrack if she wanted to hear them, too.  (Yes-- I have the freakin' Twilight soundtrack!  Zip it!  Muse and Mute Math rock.)  She liked those songs as well.   Then,  her crazy little brain came to the conclusion that "if such awesome songs are on the movie soundtrack, the book is probably awesome, too!  Paramore would never write songs for a crappy story, I just know it."

So now I'm stuck with my eight year-old reading a vampire romance novel series.

I asked Birdie to describe what she liked about the story so far.  She told me, "It's full of romance, which I don't really care for.  Sissy would really love that part.  What I do like is that Bella is funny, and she and the vampires are completely sarcastic.  It's soooo... endearing!  Finally-- someone that can teach me a thing or two about sarcasm!"  She's right, they are pretty sarcastic, with some dark humor thrown in.  I appreciated that about them, too.  I began to think this didn't seem too bad, after all.

I asked Princess if she was going to read it, too, since it's romantic.  Her response?  "I'll just wait for the graphic novel, Mom.  The chapters in the original are waaaaay too long!  And, I'll be able to see the kissing in a graphic novel."  That last part was followed by her very machine-gun-like giggling.  Oh dear!  (I bet if I looked, I could probably find a graphic novel Twilight, couldn't I?!)

The kissing comment Princess made got me thinking about book four of the Twilight series.  *gasp*  

"Uh, Birdie?  Just so you know... I don't think you should read book four of the Twilight saga.  It's a bit... how do you put it?... ummmm, inappropriate for you right now."  The last thing I wanted her to do was read the first three books and expect to finish the series with book four, sex scene and all!  I know it's not 50 Shades of sexy or anything so graphic, but really?!  She's eight, for crying out loud!  Maybe I should have thought a bit harder before saying yes.  UGH.

"Inappropriate how, Mom?  What's the big deal?  Is it scary or something?!"

Scary is a good word for it.  I was feeling a bit unsure of where to go with this.  "Umm, it's got grown-up relationship stuff in it."

"You mean like marriage, Mom?  That's no big deal.  It's not my favorite topic, but it's not going to kill me."

"Not marriage stuff, Birdie.  Baby-making stuff.  Romantic baby-making stuff, not just the technical, biological details.  You'll think it's gross."

*sigh*  "Gahhhh, Mom!  The book is several hundred pages long.  How long can they really discuss baby-making in one book?!  Just mark the gross pages for me to skip, and I'll read them in a few years when I'm ten and more mature.  Seriously-- your problem solving skills are dying."

You know-- that could work.  Foiled again, I suppose.  Let's just hope that Birdie's interest in Twilight dies before I have to mark the "gross pages" for her.