Monday, July 30, 2012

What a Week for Delirious Mom!

This past week has been jam-packed with activity on the Crazy Train!  The word whirlwind comes to mind.  I don't know how so much could possibly happen in one week, and happen so painlessly at that.  (I should probably knock on wood right about now! *rapping on my head with my knuckles*)  I just give you a brief recap of the week, with the little funny bits that deserve mentioning added in.

Posing for a photo op: Prince Charming, Princess & Birdie
No one looks particularly enthusiastic about the camera.

Monday:  The Crazy Train took a ride to The Natural History Museum, accompanied by Princess's future husband and mother-in-law.  We had an absolutely nerdy blast and stayed over 4 hours.  Four hours, people!  That's like a year in being-social-and-on-the-spectrum time.  No one was more surprised than P's future MIL and me-- we both kind of figured we'd spend more time in the car than at the museum.  We had no drama, no meltdowns, and no security issues.  The only fallout from the whole event happened hours later at home.  Birdie briefly worried that her stuffed dog could possibly have gotten cancer from the full-body x-ray he received during the security check at the Ronald Reagan Building.  Once I showed her the "cancerous spot" was really just a piece of black paper stuck to her stuffy's ear, all was well in Birdie-Land again.

Tuesday:  I had Birdie's Eligibility Meeting, as many of you have already read about.  It was a huge success, even though I found it terribly stressful up until the moment it was over.  My hands were so shaky that I couldn't even hold my Dunkin' Donuts coffee-- and that is really saying something!  I am awaiting the date of our IEP planning meeting.  I'm sure I will have more on that soon.

Wednesday:  We took our usual weekly trip to the pool Wednesday.  Behavior-wise, the pool trip was impeccable.  Both my lovely ladies kept their hands and swim noodles to themselves and were meltdown-free.   We did have this one little awkward incident, however.  While at the pool, it occurred to Birdie that there are many similarities between swimsuits and underwear.  She then "got stuck" in her endless commentary about the "shiny, waterproof underwear that humans call bathing suits.  For one thing, we aren't bathing.  Second, they aren't 'suits'.  Third, how come it's okay for some of these grown-ups to be practically naked out here, with their fat butts hanging out, while you won't even let me walk through the locker room in my panties, Mom?  I need better examples than I am getting from THESE PEOPLE."  This wouldn't have been too terribly bad if Birdie had said this just once.  Or if she had been standing in the same place every time she repeated it.  Or if she hadn't gotten successively louder with each of the 20-odd times she repeated herself.  She finally broke the broken record cycle by asking a teenage girl in a string bikini if she "felt safe wearing underwear that ties on."  Oh dear lord.  I could have apologized.  However, I didn't want Birdie to get the impression that I was approving of that insanely tiny swimsuit.

Thursday:  My article "What a Waste" was published on  Still excited, y'all.  The month I had to wait until the publication date was really long, but worth it.  My blog got really busy for a couple of days.  Maybe I'm starting to figure this writing thing out!

Friday:  I took my girls to the local Sport Bounce, an indoor inflatables gym where bouncing and sliding are supposed to be loads of fun.  Within three minutes of signing the safety waiver, I had to climb up to the top of an inflatable slide and rescue Princess from herself.  She was shrieking at the top of her lungs to the poor kid running the register that he'd "BETTER DEFLATE THIS THING RIGHT NOW OR I'M NEVER COMING DOWN! EEEEEEEEEE-VERRRRRR!!!!  I MEAN IT!!!"  There was also lots of hysterical sobbing.  Once I reached the top, I made P wrap her legs around my waist and her arms around my neck so we could go down together.  This made her even more upset because the sign at the top of the slide clearly stated that "Only One Person Should Slide At A Time".  "MOM, YOU'RE MAKING ME BREAK THE RULES!!  THEY'RE GOING TO KICK US OUT NOW!"  Pretty sure they were considering that anyway at this point.  After I got her off the slide, we had no more meltdowns, but those of you that follow me on Facebook know that we did see a whole bunch of gross.  Those inflatables are cesspools!  I saw snot and tears wiped on the slides.  I saw two different kids with wet pants climb off of two different inflatables.  I saw a little boy shake poop out of his pants by one of the party tables.  And if that wasn't enough, as I was leaving I saw a little girl hurl all over her baby sister's stroller.  I keep waiting for one of my girls to exhibit symptoms of bubonic plague, or something equally apocalyptic.  (If I were a betting woman, I imagine contagious disease is one of the many things included on the safety waiver that I am not allowed to sue the Sport Bounce over.  If it's not, it should be.)

Saturday:  We took the ladies to the County Fair.  Lo and behold, another meltdown-free day!  It was hot and humid, but that was not an issue.  We looked at all sorts of livestock, ate funnel cake and ice cream, and sweated our butts off.  The kids also rode lots and lots of rides.  Without their parents.  Hubby had a stroke of genius and told the girls that, if they rode the rides, they had to "do it without us or there would be no rides".  It was wonderful.  As an added bonus, Birdie didn't interrogate the carnies about who put the rides together.  Yay!

Sunday:  Nada-- unless you count cleaning out the garage.  It was nice and calm, mainly because we wore out the troops at the fair.  They spent most of the day reading, I spent most the day throwing things away.  Win, win!

Today:  We went to the playground (because it's Monday, and that's what we do on Monday).  Afterward, we had lunch at Panera.  Just before we were about to leave, a frazzled looking mother and her two little boys (4 & 6years old, maybe) walked onto the patio where we were eating.  The boys were fighting, so the mom told them to have a seat at one of the tables and "leave each other alone."  Before she could get in, the boys were fighting, so Mom came back and uttered some very motherly threats, ending it with "if you aren't good this time, we won't go to the park.  We'll leave and go straight home."  As soon as their mom was out of earshot, the boys were at it again.  Birdie looked shocked as she said, "Look mom, those little boys totally don't care what their mom tells them about behaving!  They must not believe her when she says she'll not take them to the park if they act bad!"  Princess's reply?  "Yeah, or maybe they just like being bad better than the park.  It could be a really crappy park, Sissy."

And that was our week, in a nutshell!

Stay tuned.  Soon to come is the Crazy Train's "Back to School Bootcamp", as well as some more bloggy awards and some commentary on rule breaking.  It should all be captivating.  Really.  :)


  1. Sounds like a busy week. Congrats on your publication! ScaryMommy...that's super exciting stuff!

  2. More laughing! More laughing! Wait, almost done, nope more laughing! Love your life and the way you tell it!

  3. You're back!!! YAY!!! Thanks for making me LMAO first thing in the morning. Sounds like you guys have had a great and busy week all around. You are the best writer and have such a way with words.

    Hey...I've caved and am on Facebook now. I'm going to friend you/friend request or whatever it is you are supposed to do over there. WHAT.HAVE.I.DONE!!!!!

    1. PS Prince Charming is adorable. :D

    2. Facebook, huh? I look forward to seeing you there! AND I will be sure to let Princess know that she picked her Prince well!

  4. I soooo want to know which Sport Bounce you went to. I'm not going there again. EVER. gross. Looking forward to seeing you all again back at school!

    1. THE Sport Bounce-- they were having a REALLY bad day!

  5. thanks for the giggles, Monday nerd fun! love it
    Tuesday congrats
    Wednesday I miss the days I could wear a bathing suit in public
    Thursday HUGE Congratulations!!
    Friday- eww germ factory! LOL
    Saturday- County fair fun!
    Sunday- cleaning... well not so fun
    loved reading it all xo