The Student Teacher

Late last week, after the final bell had rung for the day at school, Birdie found me chatting with a couple of teachers in the hall.  Birdie butted in joined the conversation and instantly began wowing Ms. H-- a third grade teacher-- with her random bits of knowledge.  Off the cuff, Ms. H said to Birdie "you should just come teach my class for me, you're so smart!  I could really use a day off."  Birdie hardly reacted at all-- she actually looked quite flummoxed by the notion of teaching third grade-- and then she moved on.  It seemed that she had dismissed the whole interaction for the haha that it had been.  My only concern was that Ms. H might not have realized Birdie really does have a sense of humor, but she might not have understood the situation.

And then the whole thing was out of my head, gone and done...

Oh yeah!  I'm gon-na be a teeea-cher!  Gon-na teach some thirrrrrd grade!

...until last night, that is.

Last night at dinner, out of the blue Birdie blurts, "I'll need to let Ms. H know that I am only available on Tuesday, Wednesday, or Thursday.  Monday or Friday just doesn't work with my schedule."

The only response I could muster was "Aaaaaahh, I think I must have missed something.  Whatchu talkin' 'bout, Willis Birdie?"

"I can't teach Ms. H's class on Monday or Friday.  I need to tell her.  Monday and Friday are Word Study days for me, and I'd hate to have to make up a test.  Also, I really can't afford to miss Power Up, with math being my weakness and all.  Maybe I can teach on a day where my Power Up is at the same time as one of Ms. H's specials!  That would be good... hmmmmm."


Okaaaaaay.  So I'm gathering Birdie took Ms. H seriously, after all.  And here I was thinking she caught on to the joke.  Not so much.


"Oooooo, I need to tell her that it's up to her whether she pays me-- in case that matters.  You know, I have $45, so I don't really need the money.  I'd be willing to work for free."

Lovely.  I can't get her to feed the dog or clean her room, but she'll teach third grade for free.


"I'd better make it clear that she should stay in the classroom with me at all times.  I'm not sure how third graders will feel about being taught by a second grader, so it might get ugly in there.  And there's the slight problem that I'm not great at telling time.  I'd hate for Ms. H's class to miss their specials (like P.E. or music) because I can't read a freakin' clock!  Do you think she'd be willing to be an honorary student in my class?!"

Whoa, nelly!  Take a breath!

"Ya know, I bet I could totally teach her something new.  She did seem awfully impressed by the random factoids I was spouting last week.  I bet by the end of the day she would even think that my class was totally worth being a part of!"

Oh dear lord!  She is really planning for this day of teaching.  What have we done?


"One last thing... do you think that Ms. H is organized enough to let me know a week in advance when she needs me to cover for her?  I'd like a little time to plan my lessons.  I think I can teach everything she teaches in third grade except the math.  I'll mostly need that week to practice third grade math before I teach anyone else."

What does one say after that kind of verbal tidal wave? Well...

"That sounds lovely, Honey.  I'm sure Ms. H will be super impressed with how much thought you have put into this!"


O.M.G.  Houston, we have a problem. 

So, I just have one question:  who's going to tell her she'll have to wait awhile to before she can be a student teacher?  I'm not sure I'm up for the task.