Monday, May 28, 2012

Frozen Moments

As the end of the school year rapidly approaches, and the impending summer "break" looms nearby, I find myself wondering what new and unbelievably embarrassing scenarios I have waiting for me in the near future.  You see, it is my selective memory personal experience that the summer has way more of those situations-- the ones where the occurring events are so completely mortifying that you will always and forever have every detail of it burned into your brain, like it just happened.  I refer to these situations as "frozen moments" since I can see them like the are paused on the tv screen, frozen in time.

My Princess and Birdie have bestowed more than my share of these frozen moments on me over the years, and they don't get any less awkward as the years go by.  I do have to say that time does make them funnier, however-- you know, like how you laugh hysterically right after narrowly avoiding death, that kind of funny.  Some of my very "favorites" have been:
  • the time Princess fondled a complete stranger's breast and then informed her she had "Nice boobs, lady!"  (Princess was very young, as if that were an excuse!) 
  • the time Princess drew all over her bedroom door with a ballpoint pen.  When I asked her if she wrote on the door with a ballpoint pen she said, "No, Mommy.  I wrote on the door with the Tweety Bird pen I took from your desk.  There is no ball on it."  (This is one that Princess should probably laugh about, because I damn near killed her that day.)
  • recently, when we made a "friend" at the Redbox machine.  Click here to see that story. 
  • the time Birdie wet her pants at a restaurant.  Doesn't sound like a big deal, huh?  Well, she went to the bathroom all by herself (she was a big girl in Kindergarten, after all, and the restaurant practically empty) and was gone a really, reeeeeeally long time.  I went into the ladies room to check on her, and much to my dismay, found her standing at the sink, completely naked from the waist down, rinsing out her pee-pee pants.  Even worse, her naked ass was 100% visible from the restroom door.  I can still remember that she was wearing bright pink Hello Kitty socks and had a bruise on her left butt cheek.  Worst. restaurant memory. ever.
I have plenty of others, and I am sure one day I will write a blogpost about each and every one-- someday.  

What I would like to know is, what are some of your frozen moments?  

Tell me about a time when your little angel(s) made you...hmmm, how should I put it?... uncomfortable, for lack of a better word.  

This should be good.  :)  Parents (and teachers) have the best stories!


  1. Looking back now, I still don't think this is all that funny, but the entire event is burned into my memory as if it were branded into here goes.

    I'd been at my job for a few was a quasi-telecommute job in that I didn't go into the main office, but worked from my boss' home office. She had six kids, the youngest of which was 2 years old. I had two kids and my youngest had just turned 4...and we were STILL potty training (which many of you here understand fully!).

    Our two sons were in the family room playing and watching some kid program and we were feverishly working to take advantage of the "occupied" time when her son came in and said, "this chocolate doesn't taste too good." He then spit it into her hand. I jumped up to go check and, sure enough, there were a few little "nuggets" in my son's pants...and a few on the floor looking just like chocolate chips. The maid came downstairs to help clean up and my boss, looking stricken, asked me what she should do.

    All I could say was brush his teeth, scrub his tongue and throw out his toothbrush.

    Remarkably, I didn't lose my job and lasted eight years...and yes, the boy is potty trained. Finally!!

    1. Oh man! I can see why that one stuck with you. LOL! I am imagining how I would feel if my child "made chocolate" for one of my boss's kids... and my initial response is queasiness! Thanks for sharing, K!

  2. Oh, wow, I typed this whole big comment out this morning, and poof, it's gone. :-(

    Here goes again...

    While it's absolutely *pale* in comparison to K's moment, it was pretty frozen into our memories. Because of Sammi's constipation issues, we always monitor when she poos. We sometimes have to beg her to go and not hold it, and congratulate her with a whole big song and dance routine when she does it. We have even told her to make sure she tells us when she does poo, so we can be happy. Well, one day Steve and Samantha surprised me at work and we got to go to lunch at Cosi together. I took Sammi to the bathroom, where she proceeded to do a poo. When we came back out into the crowded restaurant, she ran to Steve, shouting, "Daddy! I did a poop!" Thankfully, most of the patrons giggled rather than look annoyed. Btw, your Redbox story is the BEST ever!!