How Should a Teacher Break the News that Your Kid is Weird?

Lunch in the Teachers' Lounge is never dull.  Every day at noon, several of my co-workers and I break bread together and talk about whatever is on our minds.  We talk about our kids, our families, our extracurricular activities, and any of the hundreds of other things friends might discuss over lunch.  As you might have guessed, however, our number one topic of choice is our students.  And why wouldn't it be, right?!  We are all (I assume) working at the elementary school because we love kids, and we want to help our students succeed.  It is obvious that the teachers I work with are a very compassionate bunch, and I am often floored by the level of concern and involvement they have with their students.  Frequently, we will spend lunch talking about how to reach a particular student's needs, or discuss strategies to use in class.  Recently, discussions have veered more toward Parent/Teacher conferences, since we have just completed the first grading period.  Consequently, I have never seen my co-workers look more stressed!

I never realized-- or took the time to think about-- the level of anxiety that a teacher experiences during a Parent/Teacher conference!  One would just assume, because the teacher is the one at the meeting with the grades and the behavior reports and the information, that the teacher would feel confident going into a conference.  Wrong!  Teachers get nervous, too, y'all.  It's not usually the discussion of grades that make teachers shake in their conference shoes, but rather the topic of behavior.  And not so much bad behavior as "weird" behavior-- as in Crazy Train-style weird behavior-- that makes teachers squeamish at conference time.  I have discovered during my daily lunches in the Teachers' Lounge this fall that teachers are often afraid of having the Your-Kid-Is-Acting-Weird Conversation!  The teachers worry about what to say, how to say it, and when to bring "it" up.  They worry that they will say too much or too little.  They worry that the parents will get mad, or get offended, or get up and leave!  Who knew?!

*image courtesy of NYC Educator

Roxy the... What?!

Meet Birdie's friend Roxy.

See Roxy sit?  Sit, Roxy, sit.

I see you squinting at the screen, wondering if your vision is failing you in your old age.  You're wondering did I upload the wrong photograph...

Now you're feeling clever because you've concluded that Roxy must be an imaginary friend that is supposedly sitting in the chair...

And some of you are wondering, now that you think about it, what the hell a spaghetti squash is doing sitting in my living room chair.  If you are thinking that is the most jacked-up, redneck fall decor you have ever seen, then congratulate yourself for being wrong.  Again.  That spaghetti squash, in fact, is Roxy.

Deep breath, people.  I don't need anyone hyperventilating with laughter yet.  I haven't even gotten to the good part!

Awareness and What A Diagnosis Is NOT

Aahhh... the magical diagnosis.  In the world of special education, a child's diagnosis is the compass rose and key that educators use to draw the map of that particular student's learning plan.  The diagnosis, by definition, is an evaluation of an individual to determine what is contributing to their educational and behavioral difficulties.  The diagnosis, therefore, is a tool.  It is a tool parents and teachers use to raise awareness and understanding about a child's particular set of behaviors, and nothing more.  It is most decidedly NOT meant to be an excuse for academic and behavioral shortcomings. It is not permission to stop parenting.  It should, instead, be a parent's notification of hard work in the near future.

I'll just apologize in advance-- this may turn into a bit of a rant.

Rubber Pellet Gun... A Fantasy

Image from Christmas Story 2

Some days my kids-- and possibly your kids, too-- make me crazy.  We all have those days when our tolerance for all things b.s. go right in the crapper, and all we have left is our imaginations and divine intervention to keep us from losing our goop.  Many of us even have a secret fantasy that we play out in our heads to make the crazier days more tolerable.  And by secret fantasy, I mean we have a mental Calgon place, where things are calm and (insert favorite adult beverages here) flow like water.  On the really crazy days, though, my mental diversion isn't to an exotic locale.  Mine is a rubber pellet gun.  (I'll wait while you finish laughing at me.)  I have been threatening and joking about getting one for years, and I am sure it could solve all my most aggravating problems.  My sanity sometimes hinges on a couple of ounces of imaginary toy gun.  Are you worried yet?

If you aren't worried about me yet, you are about to be.

I'm the Look@Her Guest this Week!

This week, it is my privilege to be the featured mom in Ms. Mommy HH6's "Look@Her" column!  

Say hi to Ms. Mommy HH6!

For those of you that have been following my blog from the beginning, you may have noticed that I haven't really delved a whole lot into Princess and Birdie's diagnosis stories.  If you have been curious about our diagnosis journey, this Look@Her article may scratch that itch for you.  It's definitely worth checking out!  

You know what else is worth checking out?! Ms. Mommy HH6's blog-- that's what!  She has something for everyone on her blog, whether your a mom, special needs mom, military wife, or a girl just looking for the 411 on new products.  Take some time after you've read about me *hint hint*, and click around her site as well.  :)

So without further ado, click here and read my profile feature on Ms. Mommy HH6!

The Big Shift

Except for the date, this is pretty accurate.

I have spent all summer trying to ease Princess and Birdie into the idea of third grade.  I have subtly changed their lunch time from 11:00 a.m. to 11:30 a.m., which is a pretty big deal.  I have casually mentioned from time to time some of the differences between 2nd and 3rd grade, like working in groups more often, having different seating arrangements, and reading more chapter books.  I have talked about who their teachers will be and how they compared to their 2nd grade teachers.  The Crazies seemed to take the info in stride, and with little worry.  Then, when Back to School Bootcamp began, the first week went so well that I thought my girls were finally going to be relieved of most of the anxiety that they experience this time of year.  Uhhhh-- I was wrong.  They just decided to hold off on the worry for a day or two.  Maybe the good news that we weren't moving helped delay the insanity.  After all, Princess was over the moon that she would get to spend another year at school with Prince Charming.  Unfortunately, reality began to set in early last week, and we have been stress-central on the Crazy Train ever since.

And here I thought I might actually be dodging a bullet...

Adventures in Home Decor Shopping

This is a tale about a little sensory-overload experience that most people refer to as "shopping".  At my house, we lovingly refer to it as "gambling with disaster".  Shopping at the grocery is bad enough, with all the food samples, and the pretty packages filled with all sorts of enticing yummies for which the kids beg.  Shopping at a home decor store-- now there is a much messier, and totally uncontrollable can of worms to deal with.  Whew-- my PTSD is starting to flare up just thinking about it!

Home decor shopping.  *wince*  Normally, I look for reasons not to go shopping, but sometimes it's just unavoidable-- a means to an end, if you will.  When we recently removed the aquarium from our living room, I got it into my head that it was the perfect time to redecorate our living room walls-- thus, the need for shopping.  Sounds great, right?!  Who doesn't look forward to prettying-up the house a little?!  Shopping with a purpose-- that I can handle.  So, with visions of what my new living room decor might look like, and excitement at the prospect of freshening up the place, I loaded the girlies into the car and we headed to Home Goods.

Birdie's SPED Evaluation & Eligibility

You may recall that back in May, I referred Birdie for special education services (<--see the post about this here) at school.  Although it wasn't fun, it was necessary, and Birdie was approved to be evaluated for services.

The series of evaluations began almost immediately, and for those of you with children that receive special services, you know how long this process can take.  Birdie was observed in the classroom, to get eyewitness accounts of her difficulties handling some of the "constructs of a typical learning environment".  She was evaluated by an educational diagnostician, who basically assesses and diagnoses learning difficulties of students, using a battery of tests and interviews.  Birdie was given a psyche evaluation, which is more tests and interviews.  I was interviewed.  Birdie's medical history was required, which included listing all Birdie's missed milestones, medical issues, and relatives with any sort of mental health issues.

Can you say "probed"?!  That's how you feel at the end of all this.  Probed.

Understood Rules

Yesterday was a horribly disagreeable day here on the Crazy Train.  The day started off rocky, and continued at a consistently bumpy cadence the rest of the day.  For whatever reason-- the alignment of the stars, the toss of the dice, the smell of the laundry hamper (your guess is as good as mine!)-- peace was not to be had between Princess and Birdie.

The civil unrest began shortly after breakfast, when I went out to get my morning exercise.  (We have a sidewalk loop right in front of our townhouse where I try walk a mile or two each morning.)  The girls declined my invitation to come out an play while I walked, stating that they were "in the middle of THE most awesome story show ever and didn't have time."  Whatever.  They were getting along nicely, so I let it go.

Twenty minutes into my walk, just as I was getting to the good part of the Harry Potter book I'm reading, Birdie came charging out the front door.  She let the whole neighborhood know that "Sissy tried to strangle me with her bare hands!  TWICE!"

Vicious, aren't they?  (borrowed image)

Great.  "So what did you do to cause that reaction, Birdie?"  Guess I'll finish my walk later.

"Uhhhhhh, nothing?!"  She said this like it was a question.  Which meant the answer was decidedly not "nothing".

Unexpected

Summer has had its highs and lows for Princess and Birdie, as expected.  When spectrum-y kids go from a highly structured daily schedule like school, to a loosely scheduled, mostly by-the-seat-of-your-pants daily routine, things are bound to be unpleasant at times.  I know I could make life more predictable for them, scheduling every moment of every day if I wanted, but (and it's a very big but) I feel I would be doing them a disservice if I did.  My little ladies have to learn flexibility and adaptability somehow, and honestly, school isn't always the best place for that.

Princess trying to look happy about the 100º weather, Birdie-- not trying

As much as it pains me to do it, I intentionally sabotage our day on occasion (not much, but some) in order for the girls to "practice" dealing with things not going their way.  I may rearrange the events on our Summer Schedule, for instance, and do Wednesday's activity on Monday-- "accidentally".  I may get to the library a few minutes before it opens so that we have to wait to get in. *gasp*  I may offer mac & cheese for lunch, only to "discover" we don't have any in the pantry.  I may invade their ever-sacred personal space without asking, or "accidentally bump into" one of them, so that they have to practice dealing with unauthorized contact appropriately.

One Special Daddy

Daddy's girls

Yesterday, my husband celebrated his ninth Father's Day.

Yesterday, my girls and I celebrated another year with the most amazingly perfect father I could ever dream of for my girls.

How Life Prepared Me to Be "Mom"

(stock photo)

For the last couple of months, there have been rumblings that my family may have to move (again) this summer due to Hubby's job.  Although we have not yet heard anything definitive on the subject, I decided a few weeks ago to start shining up my resume.  Yes, I have been working as a substitute teacher for the last nine months, and that should help the whole finding-a-new-job process, but it never hurts to be prepared.  I do, after all, have a seven year gap in my resume labelled "motherhood", which doesn't always go over very well when interviewing.